Read This While You're Bored

I wrote a little something for our wedding guests. My plan was to leave a few of these papers on each table so that guests could a) have a little souvenir and b) have something to read if they got bored (like if they arrived early or whatever). I was pretty proud of myself, because sometimes weddings can be boring (and 'sometimes' is putting it nicely. However, what actually happened is that I forgot to print them out. I suppose with my luck, I should be glad I showed up on the right day at the right time at the right place. So here for you is my Read This If/When You're Bored--meant for my wedding guests, but now for you here:

Read This If/When You’re Bored:
Here are some fun things to read, as well as some games.

Fun Facts About the Bride and Groom
• Ryan worked at Cliff’s Amusement Park as a street show actor. That was his first job, though he never talks about it—nor will he. So don’t ask.
• Le’s first job was at 99 Ranch. She was a good bagger.
• Ryan loves peanut butter and banana sandwiches—just like Elvis (though Ryan doesn’t fry them).
• Every car Le has ever had was a Honda Civic.
• Le doesn’t like Japanese curry, but likes Indian and Thai curry. What’s her problem?
• Ryan’s jobs have included sandwich maker, dishwasher, server, tax collector, toy sales, music sales, tutor, R&D engineer, resident advisor, orientation leader, confectioner, and waterworks engineer.
• Ryan has one movie credit.
• Le’s favorite computer game is The Sims.
• Le likes apple-tinis.
• Le went to CSULA. Ryan went to CSULA. They did not meet there, nor were they there at the same time.

Rejected Honeymoon Ideas
• We could fly into Munster, Indiana and stay at the 3-star Hampton Inn. Sure, it’s freezing outside, but there’s great Chicago-style pizza right down the street and Planet Pork Chops is a short 10 minute drive. We could hit the movie house or swim in the indoor pool. There’s a Trader Joe’s 30 minutes away. What else do we need?
• We tell everyone we went on a honeymoon, but stay in beautiful West Los Angeles (right next to Santa Monica! Wow!). We pretend we don’t speak English (or Chinese) when people call so they leave us alone for a couple of weeks. We could go to the beach (though it might be chilly, so we wouldn’t be able to swim) and maybe go to downtown LA to take in some museums (we could park at Ryan’s work for free!).
• We could stay in Yuma, AZ or Blythe, CA on the border. It’s in the desert, so we’d get that Palm Springs-desert feeling without the cool hotels, restaurants, museums, and atmosphere. It’d be like visiting a really low-end resort.
• We could go to Hawaii, but instead of flying there we could stow away on a freighter by packing ourselves into a large shipping carton. We’d just have to stock up on supplies from Trader Joe’s and Costco, figure out waste disposal, and figure out how to stay quiet for a month. So adventurous.
• Know how people do Habitat For Humanity? We could do something like that in Hawaii. But instead of volunteering, we could go find some job sites that will actually pay us. Then at night when everyone goes home, we stay in the unfinished house. It would be romantic.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…that’s corneal abrasion.

Things Le Made Ryan Eat Since They’ve Been Together
• Chicken feet (it’s okay)
• Durian (pretty good; smells funny)
• Bitter mellon (yuck)
• Shark-fin soup (good stuff)

Things Ryan Refuses to Eat
• Congealed cow or pig blood
• Human

What Did Le Want to be When She Grew Up?
• Nurse
• Graphic designer
• Hairdresser

What Did Ryan Want to be When He Grew Up?
• Firetruck
• Nuclear engineer
• Writer

If Le could have any car(s)…
• She would want to be driven around by a chauffer. She doesn’t care what kind of car it is as long as it’s comfortable and quiet.

If Ryan could have any car(s)…
• Mercedes SLR
• Maserati Gran Turismo
• Cadillac CTS-V
• Audi R8 V10
• Something green

Which ONE of these words is real?
Obfuscationization
Malibdificence
Gorbochevity
Ogletimidity
Dog
Shelgidectomy
Homeocylindrical
Polyfractibility

Number Fun (Try it! It’s fun!)
1) Choose a number between 1 and 10.
2) Add 3.
3) Multiply times 5.
4) Raise it to the 2nd power.
5) Punch yourself in the face 6 times.
6) Take the number you end up with and write out a check to the bride and groom in that amount.

Ice Breakers: Ask Your Neighbor Some Questions…
1) 1) What is your name?
2) Do you like pickles?
3) What’s your favorite movie?
4) Do you think you could beat me up?
5) If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
6) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
7) Do you want to arm wrestle?
8) What is your least favorite food?
9) Can I have a pint of your blood?
10) If you could be any animal, what would it be?
11) If you could eat any animal, what would it be?
12) What are some foods you refuse to eat?
13) What did/do you want to be when you grew/grow up?
14) What would you name your chicken if you decided to hit the cockfighting circuit?
15) Why are/aren’t you a vegetarian?
16) Would you eat a radial tire for $100,000 if you had a year to eat it? $250,000? How much would it take?