I LOVE FACEBOOK!!!

Some people love Facefuck. At any time of the day, you can log on and see exactly what your friends and/or family (but not Mom or Dad for the love of Christ) are doing. The first couple of weeks on Facefuck are like a Goddamn honeymoon. All your friends are there--and NOW you are too! Your buddy from the fifth grade? There he is! Your friend from college who is now married with six kids, a labrador, husband, live-in lesbian girlfriend, and an open marriage? There she is! That effeminate boy who later came out of the closet, and then later went back in and married a large-bosomed woman that looks like she fell from the pages of the coarsest pornography?

Yep, all there. It's like you get to hang out with all your friends. And what's better, you get to see what they're doing all through the day if you want.

"I'm bored. Looking in the fridge...Nothin' there. Man, I need to do some shopping."

"Just bought some bananas. Too green to eat. Hungry, though. Should I eat a waffle?"

"Bunnies are funny. I want a dog, though."

"Just dropped the kids off at daycare."

"Lots to do today at work. Running late."

"Doing FB on Blackberry is hard but can do whil I drve to wirk! Pepole cant' drive!!"

"Suns out! Me no want to work!"

"Called in sick! Going to play outside today!"

"Ate a waffle. Bananas are ripe. Not hungry, though. I'll eat them later."

"Bored. There's nothing to do. Going to take a quick nap."

"Those bananas are too brown. What should I do with them? Banana bread?"

"Went to store. Just got back. Nothing on TV."

"Picked up kids at daycare."

"Depressed. :("

"I hate bananas. Why do I buy them? Threw them away."

"What's on TV? There's something with David Hasselhoff..."

And on and on and on like this. I read shit like this every time I go onto Facefuck. Facefuck makes me want to repeatedly punch myself in the face. These are my friends we're talking about (note--the above wasn't a real series from Facefuck). Now, I want to know what's going on in my friends' lives, but...so much detail? And it's not detail--that's the thing. There's no detail. They're killing me with banalities. Is life so boring that they have to broadcast this to whomever will listen?

Not that I'm complaining.

And not that I'm talking about YOU. You're fine; I just thought you'd be able to identify with me. YOU know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about all those other clowns.