My Brilliant Restaurant Idea

I'm going to share a big secret with you and only you. Don't tell.

I'm going to open a restaurant. You're probably saying, "70% of all restaurants fail within the first year." Whatever. This one is going to be big.

The Idea
The place will be called 'More Than Meet' (which, though nonsensical, people will think is high-brow and intelligently funny). It'll be a vegan place where everything on the menu will taste just like the real thing it's supposed to mimic. Our hamburgers will taste, look, and smell just like hamburgers. Our hot dogs wrapped in bacon will make anyone say, "This is VEGAN?" Want to cut into a steak that actually fights back--something you actually have to saw that knife into? None of that rubbery tofu resilience. We're talking meats that are just like the real thing. A simple omelet that tastes like--surprise!--a real omelet? Fucking A right!

"Jesus," they'll say. "This burger tastes so real. I haven't eaten a burger in 8 years, and this tastes just like the real thing."

Even the meat-eaters will be like, "Wow! This steak is so good. I could totally go vegetarian."

People not only are willing to pay a premium for vegetarian foods, but a higher premium for vegan foods. Vegetarian/vegan foods that mimic non-vegetarian foods? An even higher premium.

Here's some math if you don't understand it so far:
Premium + Premium + Premium = Big Time Money

The Execution
I'll get a warehouse a few miles away. I'll get a bunch of large empty containers that will say, "Proprietary Meat Substitute." The meat substitute will be my restaurant's proprietary recipe. Each week under the cover of night, I'll sneak in shipments of meat--cheap steaks, hamburger meat, hot dogs--and repackage them in the containers that say "Proprietary Meat Substitute." Then, those containers will be trucked to each restaurant. That way, people will see the truck roll up and unload a bunch of containers that say it's meat SUBSTITUTE. That's enough evidence they'll need to know this is the real deal (though it's not--but they'll THINK it is).

And for awhile, everyone will be happy with themselves. The meat-eaters who frequent 'More Than Meet' will be happy because they'll think they're eating healthy. The vegetarians will be happy because they're staying with their diet. The vegans will be happy because they'll be convinced that they're not harming animals. The health inspectors will be happy because they'll be getting paid off.

In the meantime, I can dump a large portion of the profits (ie. around 5%) into research and development so that I can actually develop meat substitute so that right before I'm found out, I'll be able to replace the meat with meat substitute.