IMPORTANT: A Message From the President of the United States

Hey, y'all!!

This is a message from your president. I feel it is important to address the American public in this tragic time. Katrina has left thousands homeless, destroyed the city of New Orleans, and, worst of all, has all but destroyed the oil refining and transport industry.

I've decided we must reallocate resources to protect 'Merica's interests. As we move into the 20th century, we've got to recognize threats. And then we have to hunt them down and kill them.

This is why I am waging a War on Weather. Some of the nation's most dangerous meteorologists are on the Weathermen List. It's a list of 12. Rather than handing out a deck of cards, the Whitehouse will be selling boxes of condoms. Each condom will have the name and picture of the top Weathermen.

The fucked-in-the-head Democrats tell me the meteorologists are not the problem here, and we should use the $2.5 trillion I'm wanting Congress to earmark for the War on Weather for other uses. But let me tell you, I saw Adam Caskey on channel 7 (our local ABC affiliate) talking about that hurricane hitting New Orleans. He's a meteorologist, and I've been suspicious of him for some time. I got scared, because obviously he uses the Powers of Satan to send these hurricanes in. Others say the meteorologists predict the weather; I say they control the weather by harnessing the aforementioned Powers of Satan to destroy 'Mericans.

Also, I'm going to go ahead and start sending troops on bombing missions to find where these hurricanes originate. They can't just come out from thin air. We MUST stop these hurricanes before they can do any more damage. Now, it's New Orleans. Tomorrow, it could be Houston, or Miami, or Denver. You don't know how far the Powers of Satan can carry these hurricanes inland.

Tornadoes are bad, too. Just because a hurricane hit doesn't mean we should just focus on hurricanes. We've got to stop tornadoes, because if they get too close to water they can turn into hurricanes. The next initiative of the War on Weather is troop clustering throughout the United States. We'll station troops all over 'Merica--perhaps a few troops every square mile or so, so that if a tornado touches down, they can attack and bring the tornado to a halt.

For now, these are the major parts of my plan.

Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of 'Merica. Except California. I hate California. It's so liberal. They're dummies. I hate them.