EXTREME IMPORTANCE

I just watched the movie Bladerunner last night, and it definitely was a wake-up call.

The movie takes place in 2019, which is only FOURTEEN years away! We have a long way to go in fourteen years. Here is a list of recommendations I will be forwarding along to President George W. Bush, who I'm 100% sure will take these recommendations and turn into concrete guidelines to take your mind off the war (WHAT WAR?!). The movie takes place in Los Angeles, so it gave a good way to compare the present to the future by comparing the Los Angeles of 2005 and the LA of 2019.

1) Institute a Flying Car Requirement: At least all police officers and private detectives should have flying cars. Granted, there'll still be a lot of traffic on the ground, but that's okay. They'll fly around and land on things. Perhaps 25% of all traffic by 2019 should be flying cars and trucks. This can be done, and is a realistic guideline.

2) Make Robots That Resemble Humans: The military may already be doing this. However, six of them should be out-of-whack killer robots. And you need bounty hunters whose profession it is to find these androids and kill them. I recommend me as the secretary general of the Department of Android Bounty Hunting. Make at least three of those androids really sexy.

3) Tear down downtown LA and replace it with a series of huge superstructures: The terrorists will naturally be intimidated of humongous buildings with lots of lights--too intimidated to blow it up. In fact, make some of them empty decoys so that the terrorists blow THOSE up so that the REAL ones will be safe. Make the decoys look like the real ones so that the terrorists THINK they're blowing up the real ones, when they're REALLY blowing up the fake ones. See Blazing Saddles for more illustration of this point.

4) Populate Other Planets: Real estate here in the U.S. has gotten far too expensive (minus practically everything between the east and west coasts). It's time to settle Mars, Mercury, the moon, and Jupiter (Gaseous cloud? Nonsense! That's the kind of nay-saying that said there were no WMDs in Iraq, you towel head). Send U.S. residents. Australia, after all, was first populated by convicts. Send the Blacks, Latinos, and Jews. Then, when the atmosphere is stabilized and people don't die immediately, start sending everyone else.

5) Robotic Snakes: We need to do research into robotic snakes that look JUST like real snakes, but take batteries. This is important for national security, because that android did some pretty raunchy, lewd things in the movie with that snake. And that would be so cool.

6) Guns With Cool Sound Effects: Guns that simply go BANG-BANG and POP-POP need to start going KRACKALACKA with a cool laser sound effect. These guns will be immeasurably important for national security.

7) Institute Origami Requirements: One of the cops in the film did some great origami swans and shit. If the LAPD could do origami, maybe everyone would forget about them shooting and beating black people.

2005:
"You killed my son!"
"Awww, shit."

2019:
"You killed my son!"
"Awww, shit. Here's a swan."
"Wow! Thanks!"

8) Research Anti-Tobacco Smoking: In the movie, EVERYONE smoked. Cops, citizens, restaurant owners, children, the elderly, hookers. Everyone. Even inside! The only way this can happen is if a tobacco-free alternative is found. Luckily, this already exists: crack. Everyone needs to be smoking crack by 2019 and it has to be socially acceptable. A campaign showing the cons of smoking and the pros of crack needs to be initiated. I'd like to nominate myself as the Commissioner of the Anti-Tobacco Pro-Crack Agency (ATPCA).