Success Seminars!

Quick Bitch Fit:
You know what? They've made it much harder for honest guys like me to illegally download music that I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on. There's almost nothing to download anymore.

The Infamy of The Pet Goat
I watched some of Fahrenheit 9/11 again, almost a year after its U.S. theatrical release. I originally watched it in a theater in Houston, Texas (obviously a Republican strong-hold). I'm upset all over again--especially after the election. He's well into his second term and nothing has changed. Seeing it after his second election into office when some time has passed gives me new perspective on the film and the American presidency.

Coincidentally, I also watched Europa Europa this morning--which is the affects of World War II on a German Jew whose family moves to Poland. His family makes him and his brother, Isaac, leave ahead of the German invasion of Poland, where he gets separated from his brother and ends up in a Russian orphanage, is later captured by the Nazis, and disguises himself as a pure-bred German.

These two films hit harder when watched together, because together they raise some ripe questions: Who launched an invasion against an innocent people in the name of personal gain? Who gained support by reducing the enemy to faceless animals? Who manipulated and controlled the media to make it seem that their people was the strongest, most powerful, and yet at risk of losing everything? No. Not Tony Danza, you Goddamn idiot.

Seminars for Success
I'm thinking about putting together some seminars. And why not?

I hate my job. And people pay money to go to seminars. So, I'm going to put together a presentation in a professional seminar format and charge $400 a head for a two-day seminar. I think using really obscure, original terminology will confuse my potential customers, yet will make them open their wallets.

After all, "Success Without Conflatration!" sounds like an interesting seminar. "Conflagration? A large destructive fire? Hell, success without a large destructive fire sounds like that could help me! $400 sounds like a bargain!" The key is obfuscating the titles enough so that they make no sense; out of chaos comes order. And if you think I'm quoting Nietzsche and not Blazing Saddles, I'm successful here, too. But seminar titles that are stupid-sounding statements I think will be pretty hot sellers. I'll get full-houses for sure. Especially if each title has the word "success" in it. This will totally be a success.

So I'm working on coming up with titles for these seminars--odd-sounding seminars in high-end resorts in Brentwood and Scottsdale. This is a good idea, I think. Why not? I hate my job, and if this works, I will be successful. So if I do get enough people to attend these seminars, then I'll have proven myself as a success. I'll have found a good source of income while removing myself from my job. To me, that is success. Getting people to believe this? Another success.

So, tell me which seminars you'll attend and just make the check out to Medinski Motivational Success LLC. Our motto? "If you don't find success at one of our seminars, attend another and maybe you won't be such a Goddamn loser." We have a an iron-clad money-back guarantee: If you attend one of our seminars and have written documentation notarized and signed by four witnesses and stamped by the county assessor, you can attend another seminar. If you still don't feel it has provided you with insight to success, provide more written documentation notarized and signed by six witnesses (different than the first four), plus a minimum four page explanation of why you don't think it worked, and a check for $50 to cover processing, you will get your money refunded to you after an Administrative Review Panel reviews it and agrees with your position.

Upcoming Seminars
Success is Something You Breathe
Genital Herpes Vs. Congenital Success
Don't Let Success Sodomize You
Coordinating Success With Your Phlebotomist
Lobotomize Your Success Lobe!
Success: The Other White Meat
Creamy Success and Success Meat Pie
You and Success: The Loud Obnoxious Assholes at the Party
Walking Down the Aisle With Success
In-Flight Movie? Success
Don't Dismiss Success
Absent From School, Present For Success
Take the Bus of Success To Successville
Sucking the Cock of Mr. Success
Start Your Day With Some Success Cereal