After a night in jail, I notice I've lost some of my readership again.
Jesus. Jail. Not my fault. It was, but it's not my fault I couldn't update the blog. Don't ask. I'd rather not talk about it. But I will.
I went to a pool party on Sunday where I hatched a brilliant idea. Maybe not a brilliant idea, so much as the seed of a plan that I didn't give time to germinate. I was playing with squirt guns--running around, shooting friends, filling it up with pool water, spraying them; then after a few drinks, I filled them up with urine, and shot them some more. Overall, pretty fun.
So I thought it'd be funny to hold up my manager in the middle of the day with a water gun. A lot of us had to catch up on work yesterday in the office, though it was a national holiday.
In the early afternoon, I entered my group manager's office with a full water pistol in the waistband on the back of my pants. I asked her an innocent question relating to the work at hand. Something like, "I noticed that I haven't received any levy proceeds from this bank." And then, the manager started to comment.
"Well, after the 21 day holding period--what the hell is that?"
At this, I'd pulled out my water pistol and pointed it right in her face. I yelled, "Your money! Put it on the table! Your jewelry, your wallet! Get it out, and put it on the fucking desk."
She sort of leaned back in her chair, somewhat amused, but mostly not. "You're robbing me with a water pistol?"
"Do it!" I screamed.
I didn't know she had one of those security buttons under her desk. And seconds later I was in handcuffs.
Did you know that holding up a government officer in a United States Government facility is a felony? I didn't. Now I do.
All well. I don't lose my job, though.
Meanwhile, I wrote a new short story called, "Career Day: Joe Average Describes the Average Job." I'm pretty happy, because I haven't written a short story in a long, long time.
All right. I'll end here with two important words--my advice for the day.
Ryan's Advice for the Day
Fuck Whitey!
3 comments:
Who is Whitey?
Is it impossible for you to lose your job?
Who is Whitey?
Who is the oppressor? Who is the Man that takes advantage of those without the means to defend themselves?
The Man.
The Republicans.
Ohhhhhhh. That guy.
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