A Potluck With No Pot and No Luck

Today at work, we had a MEETING. It was held out of the office here in Pasadena, which was quite nice. Out-of-office meeting means I don't have to do as much work. Actually, I didn't have to do any work. It was a potluck. My stomach says that I'm unlucky, though. And there was no pot. What is this? False advertising, that's what.

I got in trouble at the meeting. I brought my coffee pot and some coffee. I ground up some good 100% Kauai coffee this morning, but also took these packs of flavored coffee I plan to never drink. Flavored coffee is strange, after all, and I figured I could unload it on my coworkers. Which I did. "Oh, this is good, Ryan." Thank you.

But I made a lot of coffee, and I made it strong. After a few cups, I was quite caffeinated. I got in trouble because I made the secretary laugh. She was eating a piece of chocolate cream pie. I rocked back and forth in my chair (from the caffeine). I stopped rocking and stared at that piece of chocolate cream pie with the greatest intensity. My eyes bulged, and I just stared at it in deep concentration. She saw this and laughed.

My manager told me to go sit in the corner, so I did. I got up and moved next to this woman in my group, Debbie; everyone waited until I sat down next to her and put my stuff down.

Debbie: an INSTIGATOR.

Everyone blames me for anything that goes wrong. Debbie knows this. She took my pen and put it on the other side of her as the manager continued with the meeting. I took her bottle of lotion, and threw it across the room. She leaned over and said, "If you don't get me my lotion, I'm going to kick yo' motherfuckin' ass." So I went and picked up her lotion. Nobody seemed to notice.

I sat back down and took Charice's pen (who sat next to me) and scribbled all over the paper Debbie was looking at. I drew graffiti and circles and dots and lines. She grabbed my copy out of my hand and drew all over it with her pen. Then she leaned over and said, "You best get your ass on out of here." I went back to my chair, and nobody seemed to notice.

Meanwhile, I (as well as all of my coworkers in my work group) got promoted today. No, don't congratulate me. I'm quitting in about a month. But still, the manager was telling us what comes with the promotion. She said, "All of you work more than your scheduled 8 hour day once in awhile, some more than others. Actually, Ryan never does, but now you can get credit for it and use it later through the use of the credit hour system." I don't deny that I work NO MORE THAN 40 hours per week. I thought it was a strange thing to say in front of everyone, even though I do plan on quitting and all. And instead of putting any more time in to get the job done right the first time, I typically quit in the middle of a task and site Union regulations, but was that appropriate for her to do that? Even though I use a lot of my "work" time to work on personal projects and cat-naps? I mean, come on--we're talking about a professional work environment here.

POSH--How Erotic
Here's one more odd thing. I got a handout today in our meeting that says I have to get recertified in all these HR/admin areas: computer security, ethics, safety, etc. But one thing I found odd was POSH, or rather Prevention of Sexual Harassment.

This is what the Government names its education program for sexual harassment. This word with so many sexual connotations and scandalous undertones. It's like the Government is subtly sexually harassing every single employee. It is, after all mandatory. That's right, mandatory Government-sanctioned sexual harassment.

I guess we'll learn about several methods to an open, happy workplace, such as:
Stop, Understand, and Communicate, in a Knowing Manner so You Can Ordinarily Culture Kindess. Yes, the SUCK MY COCK program. It doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to; it's government work.

"And remember, the key to respecting other people--whether they be male OR female, because we're equal opportunity and equal rights here--is to tell them, 'SUCK MY COCK.' So if you get fed up because someone's being rude or disrespectful, just tell them, 'SUCK MY COCK.'"