VERDICT: You fuck chickens, chicken-fucker

First off, thank you Myspace readers for coming over and still looking at my blog. I refuse to continue using Myspace. It's horseshit, now.

I'm on jury duty. Why do people keep asking me what the case is about? It's like they can't function unless they know:
1) Is it criminal or civil?
2) What are the other jurists like?
3) What kind of case is it?
4) Did they do it? Are they guilty?

And when I say that the judge has specifically ordered all potential jurors to say nothing, they get offended. As if the judge has ordered me not to protect the involved parties, but to be an asshole to my friends.

Though the judge tells us every time before a recess, lunch break, or at the end of the day, "Don't talk to anyone about this case. Do not talk to other jurists regarding anything that happens here. Do not talk to the witnesses or lawyers at all. Please keep everything related to this case confidential," I guess this doesn't really apply to SOME of my friends.

Okay, you want to know the case? Fine here it is:
Flunderbog Johannsen vs. Jeffrey Brighton Smith. Mr. Smith was caught with his penis inside of one of Mr. Johannsen's chickens. That's right, he fucked a chicken. This apparently interrupted the chicken's egg-laying cycles. It was then found out that Mr Smith had fucked almost half of Mr. Johannsen's chickens. Mr. Johannsen is suing Mr. Smith for lost productivity, and is seeking monetary damages. Mr. Smith is countersuing because he got gonorrhea from fucking those chickens. Further investigation revealed that Mr. Johannsen has gonorrhea, and there's no other place they could have gotten it from.

So jury selection continues. People with chicken-fucking experience are usually dismissed from the jury. Jury selection has taken so long, because so many people have fucked chickens that they have to keep dismissing people almost as soon as they're called. Obviously, I haven't been called yet.

Meanwhile, I'm on the verge of replacing my old, decrepid computer with a brand-new eMac with the Superdrive, or an iBook. I could get the Combodrive eMac for $800, an external DVD-R drive for about another $100, and the 3 year warranty for $169. Not bad, right? Free shipping, too. I wonder if they ship to Hawaii for free, or if they charge extra.

Good news!
I'm not dead, and I no longer have the odd, bitter taste in my mouth.