Obviously, I Don't Exist: A Post-Concert Self Appraisal

It's not possible that I exist.

At the concert, people kept stepping in front of me as if to walk by, but then they would stop and stand there--two inches away from me, blocking me, breathing my air, standing in my way. This is an invasion of my personal space. The first time it happened, I politely said, "Hello." The girl actually was moving backwards into me millimeter by millimeter. She turned and looked at me. "Hello," I repeated, very politely. "You keep moving backwards. I have no room to stand here." It was a look of utter contempt and befuddlement that she gave me, and then she and her friend decided to go find a 'better' group of people.

The second one was a big chubby fuckshit. But he just stood there, and didn't quite keep moving backwards, so I figured, "If I just contort my body to look around him, I should be fine." My neck started to hurt. But then the third one came along and made as if to pass. Oh, and I was psyched out. I'm that guy in traffic who lets everyone in: 18-wheelers, cops, elderly nuns. If your signal's flashing, I'll provide the opening. So naturally, I backed up for him to pass. He used the space I yielded to stand in. Maybe this is an extreme example, but imagine letting someone borrow your phone, and the next thing you know, your shit is on the curb and they've taken your home. It's all about real estate, though--that's what it all boils down to. But this last dude had a fucking pony-tail, what some considered cool in the mid-80s. Now, he just looked like a puffer at a porn shoot (and I do mean shoot). I wanted to yank that pony-tail. I had a strong urge, perhaps somewhat like how David Sedaris describes in Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim when he gets really nervous, he has the strong urge to simply touch someone's head. Of course, his is a non-violent compulsion.

It's time to move. This city is too angry for me. Where should I move? I can't go back to New Mexico for awhile. I don't know when I'll be able to go back; what's the statute of limitations on jaywalking with intent to kill?

The concert itself rocked. They played some of my favorites, as well as new songs off their new album. I recommend you buy it. Buy it NOW or DIE!