Hooked on Xenophonics

Have you ever had such a night where you look back on your day and realize, "Nothing exciting happened today." How many of these days exist? I will not remember this day, because it was unremarkable. And if I don't remember it because it was so dull, isn't that like I'm taking a day off my life?

Meanwhile, though, I'd like to thank the Canadians, and apologize. Evidently, a Canadian (or, to put this in perspective for the American readers, 20% of the population of the average Canadian town) read my blog and enjoyed something. They even left a comment (SIDE NOTE TO THE LAZY FAT FUCKING BASTARD AMERICAN BLOG READERS: Why can't you leave a comment? What are you good for, but sitting on your ass and doing a whole lot of jack shit? I write and write, and I give and give, and all my fellow Americans can do is a whole lot of nothing?).

My blog has gone international. Do you know what this means? This means I'm FUCKED, because the only language I know is English. What happens when our Arabic, Japanese, and Korean friends all get on and look at my blog. How will I be able to compete? Fucking A.

If I were xenophobic, I wouldn't even have this problem. Fucking foreigners. That's why they're ruining this country. We can't stay competitive with them foreign people out there.

SOLUTION!
Our president would probably be pretty good at doing something like this. It's a simple plan really (and not really that unbelievable if you look at the president's track record; he could actually do this tomorrow and nobody would blink). This wouldn't even have to involve war (though it technically could, because W loves to kill things, that sneaky little devil!). We wake up one day, turn on the news, and the president declares that everyone in the world is an American citizen. This would be cool for many reasons:
1) Those Arabic, Japanese, and Korean people would now be American, and would be striving to fit in and fit the mould of a model American. REAL Americans speak English, and only English.
2) Foreign blogs couldn't offer any advantages because there WOULD be no foreign blogs, because everyone would be American.
3) The US would now have far more sources for tax revenue. We'll be the richest, biggest country in the world! Think of all the money we'll make!
4) No more defense department! Turn the pentagon into a shopping mall! No more border patrol (WHAT BORDERS?!). Think of all the money we'll save!
5) We wouldn't have to spent a penny on foreign aid. Think of all the money we'll save!