Culmination of Jealousy and Personal Dissatisfaction

I'm postponing the release of my picture book until the weekend (my media staff is aiming for Saturday to get it up online).

I've been announcing to people recently that I've decided to go to law school.

Today at lunch, I was asked why I wanted to go to law school by some friends.

"Ryan, you seem to hate lawyers-"

"Yes. I hate fuckin' lawyers."

"And do you even like law?"

"Well...I don't know. I don't know much about it. I guess I'd learn if I liked it. You know, during law school."

"Ryan, this is a pretty big committment. I mean...you seem somewhat unsure."

"Oh, I'm not unsure about this."

"But why?"

"It doesn't seem that it would be that hard. I'm pretty smart. I have a couple of degrees. I like school."

"But why?"

The WHY. WHY do I want to go to law school. I explained the things about wanting to improve myself, expand my horizons, learn new things, and all that shit. But then I moved to the real reasons.

The real reasons...
A) I hate my fuckin' job. I hate every day that I work. I like my coworkers, which is a good thing. But if offered the chance to get paychecks for doing my job, or paychecks for chewing on glass--well, I'd have to seriously consider. I mean, how much glass are we talking about here?

B) Money. A whole lot of money. And yes, everyone says that lawyers don't make that much. Everyone says that. But think of all those lawyers out there, and all those law schools. There's some pretty shitty lawyers out there, and some pretty shitty law schools. But if I went to something in the top ten, my chances to make lots of money increases quite a bit.

C) Jealousy. All my friends and acquaintances from college are doing some really cool things. Among them are criminal investigators, doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, teachers. They're all moving on to cool things, and I'm...here...doing nothing. So lets go back to Reason A.

D) Reason A (second round). I need to have a job my friends and those who know/knew me are jealous of. I need to have a job where everyone says, "Fuckin' A. Ryan's job is so cool, and I'm just a lowly brain surgeon. Me and my dumb luck."

E) Reason B (again). I want to make soooo much money, that I can buy a big motherfuckin' house in Beverly Hills. I want to wipe my ass (pardon the expression if you're reading this, grandma) with fifty dollar bills. I want to drive to work in a Lamborghini Gallardo and home in a Mercedes CLS55. Yeah, bitches. Yeah. It's all about the Benjamins, bitches. And if my friends aren't jealous of all this, I'll buy new friends that WILL be.

F) Law seems pretty interesting. I think I'd do pretty well with it. Especially something like entertainment law. Why not? I think this could actually be something I like. Perhaps this is the top reason.

G) Bitches love lawyers. No, this is the top reason.

COMING SOON!!!
Gevin Kant has announced he will be doing a guest post! Look for it SOON!