Out of the Shithouse

It's time for me to concentrate on my career. Of course, I don't really have one, but when I do, I'll have to concentrate on it.

I'll be having a guest series over the next week from the failures of business and industry. Typically, people seem to look to the heroes of business: Jack Welch, Warren Buffett, the Pillsbury Doughboy. But I think we can learn more from the failures. People you might not know about, perhaps because they're in jail, the witness relocation program, or rehab.

Today's guest is Andrew Pendergasht, former chief executive of Sheisshaus Toys.

And now, our first guest post in the series, Andrew Pendergasht...
I thought kids looked up to municipal workers.

I thought kids wanted Terrance the Trashman as a role model.

A lot of kids don't go to college. A lot of kids don't want to be superheroes. Their reality is sometimes unionized municipal labor. Sometimes they look forward to being a mid-level city employee for their entire career.

So, I took all of our firm's available capital, and dumped it into my big Plan. Our company took out bank loans using not only all available corporate assets as collateral, but our houses, cars, and retirement monies. The future of toys? Municipal workers.

It's funny how things work. It's funny that 67% of the kids we asked said they would likely enjoy eating dog feces over playing with Terrance the Trashman--or even being a garbage collector. What's funnier was how fast--how very fast--all that money disappeared...*POOF*...into thin air. One day, I was yelling into the phone to get the plants to push out more Boyle the Busdriver dolls, and the next, the plants have been seized from the IRS and state tax board for failure to pay payroll taxes (since we used our tax money to invest in the Municipal Action Figure lines).

Ah, but who wants SUPER heroes, when you can have everyday heroes--dog catchers, bus drivers, meter checkers?

I learned my lesson, though. My ideas were just too progressive.