UPDATE

So I talked to a friend about the proposal to be this girl's friend. He didn't think it sounded as odd or preposterous as I did. I told him I thought it was odd because I felt like a motherfucking moron for hitting on an engaged girl.

"Come on, Ryan, she wants to be your friend. Why not? I mean, so you're friends. You hang out with her, you talk to her, maybe you go to lunch with her or something. Hang out. What's so bad about that? She seemed nice," he said. I had to agree. "You know, why can't you just be friends with a girl without her being your girlfriend or what have you?" And I pointed out that most of my friends back home are women. "And what if she has friends that are hotties?" Well, you know, that'd be cool, but it's good to have friends. She was fun to talk to--good friend material.

"What if she has hotty girlfriends that like women, but are still straight?" Okay, friends are great, but straight lesbians that want men--those are cool.

"Maybe she has hot girlfriends that like Jewish guys to watch." Hmm. Hot lezzy action.

"Maybe those hot girlfriends will want you to watch and occasionally join in and do what you want with them." And then I pointed out how odd it was that this girl's friendship proposal had so quickly turned into an erotic lesbian daydream. However, he was right. So we hung up and I took a quick cold shower.

I then called her and said, "Yeah, all right, let's do this friends thing. Why not?"

So I have a new friend. I still feel like a motherfuckin buffoon, though.

All well. Hot lesbian action, here I come...