Adventures of the Tax Man

I wrote a picture book illustrating a day in the life of yours truly. I did this over today, Friday, and Thursday at work.

You see, sitting in training can be dull. After entertaining myself, and others around me, by constructing the tallest tower of candy the world has ever seen, I decided to stray away from architecture and civil engineering (both quite important during the massive construction undertaken on my desk).

So I wrote the picture book. I sit in the front row, and I did nothing to hide this from the lecturers. They kept looking at me. But I think they did this out of reverence. After all, my picture book must be REALLY good if I choose to ignore them and pursue my writing during training. I finished my book today. I plan to give a copy to my manager to show how much I accomplished during training.

I will scan the book and post it online. You (yes you, asshole) should enjoy it, though it'll probably take some explanations. I forgot it at work, so look for it tomorrow. Or the next day. Or whenever I remember to bring it home.

This morning, the lecturer urged me to write a haiku on the white erase board before she started. The haiku was called "MORNING HAIKU: My Weekend" and it went a little something like this:
I stole some chickens,
Woke up in jail--I feel fowl,
I want my mommy!

Brilliant, I know. I even alluded to Mother's Day. Is this even celebrated in Canada and Australia? And what about the British? Any South Africans able to answer this? This is a holiday where you call your mother and wish her a happy Mother's Day, sorry I didn't send you any chocolate or a card or flowers, but I know that
A) You don't like flowers, because you have to put them in a vase. And then they die.
B) You don't like it when people send you chocolate, because you're OCD and you end up eating the entire box in one sitting because you can't put a partially eaten box of chocolate down. And then you get mad, because you think we're trying to make you fat.
C) Okay, you like cards. FUCK! I forgot to send my mom a fucking card!!!

I do plan on visiting my mother for Memorial Day. We're going to turn it into a Memorial Day/Mother's Day/Father's Day Gala Bash!! HOLY CHRIST!!!!

My friend, Gevin Kant, says I need to go out and meet with nature more often. He thinks my extended exposure to the Concrete Jungle is tearing me apart. I agree with him. However, I could really use some input as to where an actual nature area is in or around LA. I know they exist, but where the fuck are they? Most nature areas I've seen so far are well-manicured areas surrounded by large houses engineered to LOOK like nature (ie. Glendale, Griffin Park, north Pasadena). I want to see some actual forest. No trash. No large houses bordering it. No putzes from the city sauntering through. A real motherfucking forest with real motherfucking trees. And not trees planted by the city or commercial developers. Trees that were already there. And I find these areas more depressing than the Concrete Jungle. I feel more at one with nature on the 405 near LAX at rush hour than when I'm stepping over the irrigation pipes while "hiking" in Glendale.