Spreading the TRUTH, Comrades

I got in trouble at work again.

"Ryan, I understand you're spreading Communist propaganda."

"But wait; let me explain," I said. "How can you call it propaganda if it's the truth?"

Oh, this called for an explanation. I had just told my colleagues that the sooner they recognized that we can't separate the proletariat workers from the bourgeois managers, the sooner we could overhaul the organization and start a humanitarian revolution--in the style of Che Guevara. This would lead to a more efficient, human-centered government agency.

But therein lays the rub, evidently.

"Uh..." She seemed at a loss for words.

"Yes, Ms. Krumpet?" I asked, trying to prod her along. I had stacks of work I still had to get to on my desk.

"Who do you work for?" she asked.

"You."

"No," she said with a smack to her forehead. "Who do you work for? More than just me. It's a lot of organizations and agencies, and they make up a great big thing, and you work for this thing."

"The United States government," I said. "So?"

"So you can't be spreading Communism."

"Why not?" I asked. "It's not really COMMUNISM so much as it is anti-imperialism and anti-capitalism."

"Ryan," she said. "You have too much work to do to be spreading Communism. Just stop doing it and concentrate on your work." She looked through her papers on her desk. "I show you're behind most of the group in your assignments and case studies."

"Yes," I said, "I agree. However, I've conquered most of the group. You don't manage us anymore. We're free from your tyranny."

"Am I really going to have to write you up for Communism?" she asked.

"We are a peaceful people," I told her. "However, any act of agression will be returned with an equal or greater act of agression."

"What does that mean? I'm your manager. You can't write me up."

"You can't write me up," I said leaning back in my chair and pulling out a huge cigar. I lit it and took a puff.

She took her shoe off her foot and smacked it on the table several times. She'd totally lost her cool. Meanwhile, the April 28th Movement is gaining momentum in the office. Today, most of my work group has been conquered and the proletariat has joined me. By next week, our Rebel Forces plan to take over the north side of the 4th floor, as well as the fax machine and copier. Our movement will gain so much strength once those weapons are captured. We'll be unstoppable. I can hardly wait for that triumphant walk through the building and up to the snack bar on the fifth floor where I will announce the new office political system.