William Shatner Says That You Are Going to Die

I went to a local SBA (Small Business Administration) office today. I told my manager I felt sick at work and drove out to the local office.

I walked in and talked to a nice, older fella named Max. I told him I had a great business idea, but have no idea where to get started--I mean, where does one even start to research where they're going to open a business.

Max successfully started and ran his own businesses, then sold them and went into retirement. His hobby is to help other entrepraneurs get started.

"So, son, what are you looking at doing?" he asked me.

"Well," I said searching for the right words. "I want to kill people."

"What?" he asked. He sort of leaned back in his chair and clutched his cane.

"That came out wrong. I totally didn't--whew! I totally said the wrong thing." He looked suspicious, but relaxed a little and waved for me to continue. "I want to kill people and get paid for it. Like old people. You know, people who are going to die anyway. But some old people are just living off the inheritance they're supposed to give to their next-of-kin."

"Oh, boy," he said rolling his eyes.

"So there'd be some sales skills involved. I'd have to go and approach people and ask if they have an elderly family member they want to kill. I think that it really has great upside potential, especially as the baby-boomers age," I said. But then I shrugged, because here was the problem, "But I don't know how to attack this. I don't know how to advertise it, or where to set up shop. It's not contract killing, and it's not really mercy killing."

He shifted forward in his chair. "You want to kill old people?" he asked aghast (he seemed shocked, perhaps, at the simple brilliance of my plan). "For their inheritance?"

"No," I said. "Not their whole inheritance. Just a small percentage." I looked him up and down, then asked, "Max, do you have any terminal diseases? And kids--how many do you have?"

I think it was right about there that he asked me to leave (in a very loud, demanding voice). I guess our time was up or something.

Meanwhile, check out the new William Shatner album, Has Been. It's actually quite excellent. I think it's pretty rare to find an album this original and amazing.