Vegetarian Judaism

Passover is upon us. Or you can say 'Pesach' around the gentiles and they'll think you're really Jewish. Suddenly, your correct pronunciation of this holiday can make you an instant authority on Judaism.

And this is good, because you can start telling people interesting tidbits.

"Well, the Jews wondered through the desert for 40 years because they were looking for a resort."

"In the middle of the desert?" would be the likely reply.

"Hey, why do you think there's so many Jews in Palm Springs? It's genetic. We need resorts in the desert to relax and eat unleavened bread."

Or you can tell them,
"Chanuka lasts for eight days because the Macabees had enough oil for one day, but it lasted for eight."

"Really?" would be the response. "Why did they run out of oil?"

"Because OPEC hadn't been formed yet to regulate the flow of oil, so they ran out. Chanuka is what led to the formation of OPEC."

"Wow."

I think that some might believe that
"The Irish Potato Famine was caused because so many people converted to Judaism and everyone wanted to make potato latkes at once, so they drained the world's supply of potatoes."

"Wow. Why did so many people convert at one time?"

"Because that was the year our people started wearing yarmulkes on their head. Everyone wanted a yarmulke. It was the hip thing. Also, we'd just gotten the new health plan, so that was part of it."

I myself celebrate Judaism like I do vegetarianism, though. I'll occasionally celebrate the main courses (perhaps a nice soy quiche, or a lovely spring salad), but for the rest of the meals, I'm aiming for steak.