You Are Retarded, So You Get Beans, MOTHERFUCKER!

Nobody reads the blog anymore. I found that most people who read it got offended and I scared them away. And then everyone else (uh, that would be one person) told me that my posts were too long.

And so it must end in its current form.

I don't know what the American people want. Bad grammar? You want me to talk more about celebrities? You want to see naked people? You want sex?

I know what you want. You want a can of beans. Yes, I will send you a goddamn can of beans--a real motherfuckin can of beans. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is email me AND leave a comment on this post. You assholes probably won't do it. The first person to do this wins a can of beans. The rules? If I know you, you get no can of beans. If you're at a foreign address, you must come and pick up the can of beans or organize pick-up and delivery yourself.

People seem to like beans. Because beans make people fart. And you want an excuse to fart. "Oh, I just got these beans." The problem is that you'll have to eat them to make sure you can use that excuse. You don't want people to say, "You farted so much I think you shat your pants...and yet you're holding an unopened can of beans in your hand and you're saying that they're to blame."

People will think you're retarded. Almost as much as I know you're retarded.